Yes, I know most fashion shops are closed, but online shopping is still very much open for business.

Even during this challenging time, it’s still worth looking for ways to make our wardrobes a little bit more planet-friendly. Whether it’s shopping from sustainable brands or hiring clothing items rather than buying them. Perhaps now more than ever, we need to take steps to take care of our planet, and our relationship with “fast fashion” is finally changing.

Sustainable fashion is now more accessible than ever, with high street brands such as H&M doing their bit to offer environmentally-friendly pieces. The brand launched their Conscious Collection in 2012, and are currently using the line as a sustainable stepping stone on the way to achieving their goal of using only recycled or sustainably sourced materials in just ten years’ time, by 2030.

If you’re a fan of the Conscious Collection, the good news is the next drop is today (26 March), and it’s simply stunning.

The collection is inspired by Le Train Bleu, the elegant sleeper train that went from Calais to the French Rivera (Côte d’Azur) in the 1920s. Pieces are decked out in Rivera-inspired stripes, and boast gorgeously over-the-top silhouettes, and taffeta, taffeta, taffeta. If there was ever a time to shop for aspirational (yet affordable) pieces, to have fun with once our current health crisis is over, it’s now.

But while the collection — which boasts elegant pieces for the evening, as well as daytime classy summer-wear — is undoubtedly beautiful to look at, it also has an impressive story behind it. The length the Conscious designers have gone to in seeking recycled, sustainable materials is a highlight in itself.

First up, many of the new pieces have been made with leftover materials from previous collections, meaning nothing has gone to waste. These include recycled glass for accessories, recycled polyester-taffeta, and organic silk.

Leather-look pieces are made from a genius fabric named Vegea, created using discarded grape skins, stalks and seeds from the winemaking process.

 There’s also the collection’s first denim piece, which H&M ensured was as eco-friendly as possible by using 100% undyed organic cotton that’s recyclable. Which means less water used in the fabric as well as fewer chemicals to dye the jeans.

While the clothing is all excellent, the accessories are perhaps what standout most in this range. From intricate seashell-inspired hair accessories to strappy mules, these will see you through 2020 and beyond.

The new Conscious Collection launches 26 March 2020 online.

Welcome to what (I hope) will serve as a little bit of light relief during these extraordinary times that we are experiencing together.

I don’t want to dwell too much on what’s going on, because you all know. We also know that we’ll come out of this stronger and when we do emerge from it, my gosh – what a party that will be.

So, to take a light-hearted approach, hands up who’s being trying to find dried pasta in any supermarket right now?

Many shoppers have shared photos of pasta shelves in the likes of Sainsburys and Tesco completely empty, after recent panic buying. Well here’s one shop that (last time I looked) was still in stock. Anne Summers! Yes, they sell pasta and this isn’t just ordinary pasta. This is PENIS PASTA.

• Penis Pasta, £5 from Ann Summers

The penis-shaped pasta, which is described as being “hysterical and completely delicious”, plus increases in size when cooked, is part of Ann Summers’ three-for-two current offer.

Usually a pack will set you back £5, but could be free if you select two other items from the shop.

So, stock up, and if we’re all quarantined for three months, I’d suggest adding a few more items to your online order, because we’ll all have to keep ourselves “occupied” at home now.

Onto this week’s instalment, and we look at disco face masks, Louis Vuitton hand sanitizer and Rita Ora’s new shoe collection for Deichmann. 

Stay safe and wash those hands.

So, we all know we’re in for weeks/months of uncertainty. But how can fashion help bring an end to the current epidemic?

Major luxury brand company LVMH is converting its perfume and cosmetics factories to instead produce hand sanitizer during this coronavirus outbreak, which it plans to give free to French authorities and France’s largest hospitals.

The French company, which is behind brands including Louis Vuitton, Dior and Givenchy, said it hoped to begin making hydroalcoholic gel in its factories shortly, as the coronavirus pandemic has caused the world to run out of hand sanitizer.

“Through this initiative, LVMH intends to help address the risk of a lack of product in France and enable a greater number of people to continue to take the right action to protect themselves from the spread of the virus,” the company said in a statement.

LVMH will deliver the hand sanitizer for free, and said it will continue manufacturing hand sanitizer for as long as necessary.

The decision comes as France has gone into lock-down to prevent the spread of COVID-19.

As Coronavirus spreads across the globe, so does the concept of bespoke face masks.

In NYC last week, at Brooklyn Museum’s “Studio 54: Night Magic” exhibit, a number of partygoers sported flashy COVID-19-themed face coverings. A couple of attendees wore matching disco-ball masks to the gala, claiming that their coordinated outfits stuck two fingers up at the potentially deadly virus.

“It took me a day and a half to make each one,” one said. “If you have to wear a face mask, why not make it fabulous? Why not make disco balls?”

The couple, who run a US-based handcrafted glass mosaic business, are among the growing ranks of pizzazz-minded health warriors making and sporting bedazzled face coverings. Celebs like Billie Eilish have donned pimped-out face masks, as the trend spreads like the virus.

Jordanian designer Samia Alzakleh is taking the “glitter” trend a step further — encouraging global citizens to stay safe and stop the spread of corona by wearing masks covered in Swarovski crystals. Each custom mask takes Alzakleh more than three hours to make and features hundreds of colourful jewels.

When she’s not bedazzling items for the cutest of quarantines, Alzakleh adds sparkle to Starbucks cups and Red Bull cans, selling them through her online store Sandraz Shop. 

Beware: Although they look contagiously good, these fun face masks might not be of a surgical quality!

RITA Ora has announced her second collection for Deichmann and I want it all.

The new collection, “Colour Up”, will be available from this week in selected stores and online at www.deichmann.com.  following the success of Ora’s previous Autumn/Winter collaboration, last year.

Under the slogan “Colour Up”, Rita’s collection will feature bold colours and cool details. It features 35 styles, showcasing the season’s latest trends under five main themes;  chunky trainers, metallics, glam heels, platforms and strappy sandals.

I’m loving the colour block trainers, with embossed soles and metallic trim for easy casual wear, the white sling backs for a modern look, and even croc-effect loafers for a chic finishing touch to summer outfits.

If that wasn’t enough, the collection is perfect for summer with flat sandals in statement colours and glamorous wedges, eye-catching heels, platform sandals, pumps with a patent or animal-print finish and strappy sandals in pastel shades.

Rita Ora, comments, “I’m delighted to be teaming up with Deichmann once again. It was great fun to create a fantastic, colourful collection that encourages people to be strong and believe in themselves.”

The Rita Ora for Deichmann is available in store and online at www.deichmann.com now, with prices ranging from £24.99 to £34.99.

Welcome to this Friday 13th instalment of Amanda Zips It Up.

I’ll do my best to be cheerful in this issue, despite the whole Coronavirus situation, because everything seems pretty dark and depressing right now.

My other half has been emotionally kicked in the kahunas by the postponement of his beloved Arsenal’s fixture this week and as a DJ, we wonder how all the panic will affect clubland, festivals and social gatherings in general.

From a lifestyle perspective, I was wondering which ‘unusual social gatherings’ would take a hit as well?

Well, it appears that private orgies for the super-rich are going ahead, despite the coronavirus outbreak, but they’ll supply extra soap and sanitizer. Notorious club Snctm – reputed to attract A-list celebs and tycoons – has a sex party in LA this Saturday and another booked for Manhattan on April 11^th. The club, which originated in Beverly Hills, costs up to $900,000 a year for membership and vows that it won’t let the outbreak ruin its X-rated activities.

 The company is undertaking appropriate measures to sanitize the venues, screening those who plan on attending and supplying extra soap and sanitizer. Refunds are also being given to those who decide to not attend, no questions asked.

Those who have attended the orgies in the past wear erotic masks, because they are mandatory. Perhaps they’ll all be in medical masks this time. People crawl around on all fours, uninhibited about swapping fluids of all sorts, with condoms viewed as an optional extra. Apparently, there are bowls of them all around. 

The club has attained legendary status in America, after expanding to New York and Las Vegas following its runaway success in LA. It claims to create secret VIP events, featuring a mix of burlesque, masquerade, erotic theatre and sexual experimentation. Its website claims to offer members: “A safe and comfortable environment for personal exploration.”

The club’s dress code requires men to wear a tuxedo while women must wear “evening wear of lingerie”, which as a fashion blogger I find unfair, because I love wearing a tux.  Carefully vetted, beautiful women – who outnumber the guys by about three to one – pay nothing to be a member of the club. How is this happening in LA during the #METOO movement?

Anyway, onto this week’s instalment, and we look at a new dating app for less endowed men..

Imagine IKEA on acid with an Ibiza flavour, and you have the best shop on earth – Sluiz.

I discovered Sluiz Ibiza years ago, and not only did it re-create itself in Palma Mallorca, now it’s finally online for the whole world to grab a piece of quirky magic. 

I used to buy so much of the crazy homewares and fashion from this insane shop that I’d have to purchase another suitcase just to lug it all back to London. As well as wearing at least 3 Sluiz hats on the plane and carrying their bags on every available limb. For years, the plane was the only way of getting Sluiz stuff home London. However, now we can get Sluiz’s unique boho fashion and accessories delivered to wherever we are in the world.

The blue cows hanging from the trees outside Sluiz Ibiza and the doormat saying ‘FUCK OFF’ at the Palma store both point to the craziness that’s inside.

Their car park in Ibiza has parking signs to help you position your vehicle, with parking sections such as Big Boobs, ADHD, Gold-digger and Dr Dre, to name but a few.

Sluiz stocks the most jaw dropping collection of the beautiful, curious, wonderful, strange and the bizarre. But for me, it’s their collections of Spanish and worldwide independent designer clothing that makes Sluiz such a special shop.

The colours and vibrancy strike you first. From rainbow striped silk kaftans to pink faux fur coats, to yellow fedoras and purple Vivienne Westwood heels – these are just a few of the items I have bought from Sluiz.

If you’re in Ibiza, eat at the adjoining Sluiz café and you’ll soon realise that literally every section of the giant store is crammed with creepy china dolls, batty oil paintings, massive doll’s feet sticking through the ceiling, china teacups and ornate gold chairs. Yes, craziness and theatre permeates the whole place.

The same quirkiness is scattered throughout Sluiz in Palma too.  From the condoms to slightly altered well-known brands, such as Adildo, Tommy Middlefinger, Dolce&Banana and Suckers, through to their changing rooms entitled Sperm Bank and Bleached Anus. Suffice to say, Sluiz will have you sniggering quietly like naughty schoolgirl.

But, more than anything, they have nailed Balearic Boho chic, and now you can buy the latest collections online. Their quirky bags and satin jumpsuits are a must for 2020.

Here’s a selection of my current faves, which I’ll be ordering in time for the Balearic summer. Great prices can be found too, from the wholesale section.

www.sluizibiza.com

A dating site for men with small willies has launched and members MUST be under 5.5ins to apply.  (Note to self – why are phallus measurements always in inches and not in centimetres?) 

Dinky One is a dating site for guys with ‘small’ willies – and it already has almost 30,000 members – members with small members, shall we say?

Dinky One aims to ‘normalise’ men with a smaller manhood in a world with an increasing pressure to “measure up”. Your penis must be no longer than 5.5ins if you want to apply. I’d love to know who scooped the top job of deciding whether or not each guy qualifies.

It launched exclusively to match guys for whom “less is more” with partners who prefer those with fewer inches.

A spokesperson commented: “Body image is generally within your control but penis size is not, unless you get surgery. The internet is packed with false claims and products purporting to increase penis size. Many young men now think you need a 12-inch penis to satisfy your partner. This is not true.”

Dinky One began with 27,762 people — 27 per cent of whom are women.

A 36-year-old user said: “When you’re a smaller man, dating is complicated. Imagine when a relationship fails — she’s likely to mention your size to her friends, and then gossip spreads. You become paranoid. It’s therefore far better to date in an environment where everyone knows in advance.”

The site says: “There are women who prefer a smaller penis for comfort and there are women who enjoy the smaller man, as they tend to compensate with additional foreplay.”

According to NHS figures, most men in the UK will be eligible to join the site, as the average penis size is 5.1 inches. 

Cue the rush online, where rulers and tape measures are now selling out quicker than face masks and sanitizer gel.

 Don’t kid yourself. We all know that Aldi is a guilty pleasure – especially their dupes on famous beauty products, like Pixie. But these new pumps are the boldest dupe ever, and I have no idea how Vans aren’t consulting their lawyers right now.

Aldi is selling a pair of £6 trainers that look just like the iconic Vans that we see every teenager from London to Minnesota wearing, but at a tenth of the price.

It might be a favourite pit-stop for great quality groceries at budget prices – but now Aldi are also wowing in the wardrobe department. Even better, if you can’t make it to a shop, you can grab a pair online – paying just £2.95 for delivery.

Looking at the Aldi website, the shoes come in men’s and women’s sizes. In addition to black, they are available in pink and a teal with black option. You can also get your hands on a pair for your kiddies – priced at just £5.99.

According to the Vans website, the original was the “first to bear the iconic side stripe. What is now known as the ‘Vans Old Skool’ design is a low top, lace-up shoe. It is lined, has padded collars for support and flexibility, re-enforced toecaps to withstand repeated wear, and features the Vans signature waffle outsole for a firmer grip.”

I’ll let you test the Aldi versions to see if they match up to the Vans spec.

The iconic footwear will set you back £60: Vans

Aldi says ” An all-time favourite and wardrobe staple, Aldi has the whole family covered with its affordable range of Men’s and Ladies Trainers (£6.99) and Children’s Trainers (£5.99) available in Black, Pink and Teal.”

According to the actual Vans website, the original was the “first to bear the iconic side stripe. What is now known as the ‘Vans Old Skool’ design is a low top, lace-up shoe. It is lined, has padded collars for support and flexibility, re-enforced toecaps to withstand repeated wear, and features the Vans signature waffle outsole for a firmer grip.”

The shoes are available in stores, but you can already pre-order them now online.

Welcome to another week and here in North London, Camden High Street in particular, has become the UK’s very own walk of fame.

This week we have seen all the major artists from Camden, recognised with their own star – just like the Hollywood Walk of Fame. From Madness to Amy Whitehouse and today, DJ Judge Jules honours the band Soul II Soul, who made such in impact from Camden and beyond.

In a time of such doom and gloom, this is the tonic we all need.

This week we discover the Artist Davey Brown, Magic Jeans at M&S and how Eyeball tattoing is the new trend with a severe cost.