Topshop & SkinnyDip

Topshop is selling a Skinny Dip tote handbag, which looks exactly like a laundry holdall or laundrette sack, and no one’s sure what to make of it. The bag costs an astonishing £26 and has divided opinion amongst fashion fans.

The bag, which has a cartoon lobster on the front, has proven popular online – where it’s currently out of stock.

I love Skinny Dip but this dubious item, which has the words ‘That Fish Cray’ written on it, is a completely batty idea. I don’t get it.

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Apparently, these bags are everywhere in the UK. Luckily I’ve been in the Balearics all summer and missed the trend.

Go to Poundland and get a tote for £1, in different colours and sizes too, if you really must.

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People say the Skinny Dip creation is “FABULOUS”, “amazing” and “super cute!”

I say, “a bag for dirty washing”.

Model Of The Decade

Love her or hate her (and sister Kim),  Kendall Jenner is about to receive the highest accolade given to models anywhere.

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The 21-year-old model is to pick up the award of Fashion Icon Of The Decade during next month’s New York Fashion Week.

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Kendall, who boasts more than 83 million followers on her Instagram account, will be adorned with the illustrious honour on September 8th at the Four Seasons Hotel NYC.

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I never got the whole ‘Kardashian’ thing, kind of missing that boat, but in my line of work, Kendall is without question up there with the best of the models on the world runway.

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Following the announcement, the 5ft10 catwalk star, whose parents are Caitlyn and Kris Jenner, I saw some troll-type tweets saying “Fashion Icon Of The decade” …. Tragic.’

A bit unfair.

Believe it or not, Kendall has been a professional model since 2009, when she was just 11 years old – a decent career in the world of fashion. Beating the Hadid sisters and most of the Victoria Secrets angels too.

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She looks nothing like her siblings and although she’s had a little help in the nose department, I feel she deserves to be model of the decade.

Moody always wins, plus she dated Harry Styles. From Chanel to Mango, an all round winner.

a word from the Editor

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Welcome to this week’s fashion blog. Sob sob, it’s my final week in the Balearics this summer holiday. I’m in Mallorca for the last few days and we’ve hit mosquito season. Having avoided sunburn and retention of white bits all summer, now nights are spent itching and scratching.

To those of you stuck on the M25 in the rain on your way to work, this is probably one of those problems you couldn’t care less about. But sleepless nights are not a great way to end a holiday for anyone, and it’s the one negatives of being located somewhere coastal in the Med.

So I investigated some unusual mosquito repellents and some theories so stop these ugly red bites from spreading across our skins.

Here are a few interesting solutions:

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On the hunt for a new perfume? Kill two birds with one stone by dabbing on some of Victoria’s Secret Bombshell Eau de Parfum. In a study of various mosquito repellents, researchers found that Victoria’s Secret’s delicious smelling Bombshell perfume kept the yellow fever mosquito and the Asian tiger mosquito away for roughly two hours!

This is a real anomaly in the world of perfume, since mosquitoes are usually attracted to floral, fruity scents. But not so with this mosquito repelling perfume. Mosquitoes hate it…and it smells good to humans.

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Mosquitoes are drawn to carbon dioxide, so hanging out with people who breathe more heavily than you do, might keep the mosquitoes away from you. Larger people and pregnant women are top choices. Blood-suckers have also been shown to be attracted to beer drinkers, so getting a large, beer-guzzling BFF might do the trick.

Want wonderfully moisturized, sinfully soft skin that also repels mosquitoes? Of course you do. Simply rub yourself down with some of Avon’s Skin So Soft bath oil whenever you venture outdoors.

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On to this week and we check out the bargain of the year if you’re a shoe fanatic, look at the world of crotch bling and see the return of the iconic 90s metallic chain dress.

The 90s Chain Dress Revival

The 90s brought us many a trend, from crop tops and chokers, to dungarees and grungy plaid shirts. All of which have come back into fashion – much to our horror/delight.

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And if that era was your heyday, back then you might have tried to copy Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell in their mini chain mail dresses, complete with diamond jewellery and dramatic silver-blue make-up.

Well guess what? Those little mesh frocks are back in various forms, and it’s all thanks to Gucci and the Kardashians.

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When the Italian fashion house showcased their crystal bodysuit at Milan’s AW17 Fashion Weekback in February, chain mail proved to be a popular choice for Coachella, with Rihanna showing off the look with a Gucci tee vest and ripped shorts.

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And reality star Kim Kardashian is the latest to don the glittering one piece, showing off her curves on Snapchat for a photoshoot. But the mum-of-two is no stranger to the skimpy material.

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Younger sister Kendall Jenner is also a fan of the look, stepping out in a glittering LaBourjoisie chain mail dress to celebrate her 21st birthday last year – reminiscent of Paris Hilton’s party outfit back in 2002.

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While most 90s comeback trends are easy to wear, this is one you should proceed with caution. One wrong move and you could end up flashing more than you intend to, not to mention it’s not the easiest of fabrics to sit down in – ouch.

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The Bradshaw Bargain At Zara

EVER wanted to copy Carrie Bradshaw and own your own pair of Manolo Blahnik shoes, but can’t afford the price tag?

Well, Zara are stocking a pair looking just like Blahniks… at £650 cheaper than the designer version.

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So you can live the Sex and the City life with these Zara “copycats” for a purse-pleasing £49.99, a staggering reduction on the originals, which sell for over £700.

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These bright pink numbers sport slingback heels with a pointy toe and can be bought from the website. They are also available in blue and feature beading on the front, similar to the pair made famous by the sex column on the hit show.

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The heel height is 2.2in so the shoe could be the perfect choice for both day and night.

You’ll have to be quick to get your hands on a pair, as the website is sold out in a number of sizes already.

Once again, well done Zara.

It’s A Crotch Bling Thing

There’s a bizarre new trend of crotch charms, straight out of Japan making fashion waves on beaches everywhere. They hang down from the bikini bottoms for added bling.

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Seeing a recent online post about the new fashion, one girl wrote: “What the hell did I just read? I haven’t clicked the link yet… I’m scared to”.

The post sparked a brilliant response from other women – and a few gross suggestions.

One wrote: “Just accessorise a tampon string with some clip-on earrings and you can easily recreate this look!”

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I suppose if they’re laid across underwear and dangled it wouldn’t be too bad… still a bit weird though.

It all reminds me of the 1970s S&M novel, The Story Of O. The heroine has a loop ear-ring type thing attached to her intimate area, with a long gold chain on it, and some bloke leads her around like that. Yuck.

The uncomfortable looking jewels, which start at £15, are made by Japanese company BoDivas and marketed as “sexy charms for bikini crotch”.

… a word from the editor

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We’re in the middle of August and as much as I love spending a chunk of my summers on the Balearics, this month, and this week in particular, it’s so busy it’s actually annoying.

The negatives.

The Ibiza traffic is so heavy that a simple 20-minute trip to the airport now takes an hour.

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Getting off a plane takes longer than flying from Gatwick to Ibiza, because it seems as if there are only 2 or 3 buses available to lug all the passengers from 20 or more planes from tarmac to terminal. And trying to get out of the airport is like leaving Wembley stadium after the Cup Final at full time.

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Tables are full in restaurants, car park spaces are few, and there’s the usual complaint about Italian male tourists pinching the bottoms of English girls in front of their boyfriends.

Mallorca isn’t as bad – mainly because it’s a larger island and its infrastructure can better accommodate the masses. But you’ll be hard pressed to find a space on beaches, whichever you go to.

The positives.

The crap mid July-mid August weather in the UK means last-minute tourism to Spain has increased by 150%. Plus Love Island’s massive popularity and lasting legacy means Mallorca is perhaps overriding Ibiza in the young tourism stakes.

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The ‘Love Island’ look is everywhere too. It’s my job to spot trends and the ‘Boobs & Bum’ with ‘Lips & Sunnies’ and ‘buff bods with smart hairdos’ image is to be seen all-over the streets of San Antonio and Magaluf.

I don’t mind this at all. It means we’re all a little more health and body conscious and less ‘lager lout’ and beer-belly tolerant.

So from my summer observations to this weeks blog, we check out autumn /winter ’17 trends, Oriental fashion and a must-have for girls with large bosoms.

Enjoy.

Autumn / Winter ’17 Trends

Autumn / winter 2017 fashion trends: Style notes for the season ahead

Just as you are lying by the pool with your summer head still on, the A/W’17 fashion trends are already landing in stores… so put down the trashy novel and start making notes.

From futuristic fabrics, to tonal dressing, fashion’s throwing some frivolous and occasionally revolutionary ideas our way next season. There’s nothing to stop you from getting ahead of the pack and working a few of these into your wardrobe right now. These are the trends worth noting…

Hi, Shine

When Karl Lagerfeld built a Chanel rocket launch pad in the middle of the Grand Palais at Paris Fashion Week, the trend for space-age fabrics was confirmed. Fluid silver lamé is used for evening dresses at Paco Rabanne, while Christopher Kane uses iridescent foil and J.W. Anderson declares chainmail to be the unexpected new party fabric.

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Get the gloss

Raf Simons made his debut at Calvin Klein, coating every outerwear option in his collection in clear plastic. Elsewhere, Miu Miu, Roksanda and Fendi are also going big on the patent and PVC.

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Tonal time

Roksanda, Preen and more of the big names in London have declared that it is time to brush up on our colour coordination, championing top-to-toe tonal dressing for all. The key to getting it right for now, it seems, is to offset with one accessory in a contrasting hue.

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Corduroy comeback

Prada, Mulberry and Lemaire lead the charge for a cord revival, reimagined in new, feminine silhouettes. The new corduroys come in blush, terracotta or teal – a far cry from the geography professors of yesteryear.

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Sharp suiting

The top takeaway from the latest round of shows? Get yourself some decent tailoring. For the new season, jackets are more fitted and less shoulder-padded than the last. Celine, Stella McCartney, Calvin Klein and more, say that looking the part is as good as being the part.

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Granny knits

If Christopher Kane says the cardigan is back, who are we to argue? His come readily pilled with shiny buttons, while Gucci even team theirs with Nanna’s pearls.

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Oriental Fashion

The Oriental trend has been everywhere since springtime.

Exotic floral prints and grown-up kimonos are just a few ways the high street is offering up Eastern styles. And they’re surprisingly easy to work into your everyday wardrobe.

Dame Helen Mirren, 71, looked gorgeous in an eastern flowing wrap style dress recently, while Celine Dion, 49, is continuing to ‘have fun’ with fashion, stepping out in Paris wearing a silk purple Oriental style dress and an embroidered Gucci bag.

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Actress Naomi Watts, 48, opted for a sequin beaded midi dress with a cherry blossom printed skirt and ankle strap heels.

The point being, these celebs (and many youngers ones too) demonstrate that you can wear the trend, wherever you are and whatever your age.

Here are a few simple ways you can taste the Orient…

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The Ta Ta Towel

This feature doesn’t apply to me in the slightest, but every woman with big boobs has been there, apparently.

You get out the shower clean and fresh but as soon as you start drying your hair and getting ready, the boob sweat begins. Within ten minutes it sometimes feels like you actually need another shower.

But thankfully there finally might be a solution in the form of a new style of bra.

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Admittedly, the Ta Ta Towel looks bizarre, ugly and far from a pretty lace number. And it would slip off me in seconds. But it could spell the end of one of the most annoying parts of bigger girls’ going out routines.

Buyers are going crazy for the new bra – with many designs listed as sold out on the official social media pages.

But this feature would definitely have applied to me; Pregnant women have also been praising the new bra, which costs £35, saying it is good on sensitive nipples and absorbs leaking breast milk.

The woman behind the new design, Erin Robertson, came up with the idea after having a nightmare getting ready for a date.

Writing on her website, she says: “I tried everything. I tucked tea towels under my breasts, I tried dumping baby powder all over me, I even put a t-shirt on and tucked it under my boobs.

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“I kept thinking: “There HAS to be a better way to keep the beads of sweat from dripping down my stomach.”

She kept thinking about it for the whole date (I can only assume it wasn’t the most exciting evening…) and the idea finally hit her when she got home. Soon her prototype was ready and she started handing them out to her friends.

They became a big hit and are now being sold online to people across the world.

So goodbye sweaty boobs – you won’t be missed (apparently).